It’s 21:45 and I still find myself crying for you, I thought everything will be fucking okay If I only spoke to you once ..just once and everything would be easier, everything will become less painful, easier to forget everything about your face and those eyes which I can’t seem to come a day where I don’t picture them, I thought I wouldn’t feel this broken again or lost, that I would find my way and talking to you just once wouldn’t interrupt that but It does, it really fucking does and even if I’m here taking another life, another place, I find myself falling apart all of a sudden when I think of how things were, how much I want to see you even if I know that doing so will be the worst thing to do ..no matter what guy wants to sleep with me or person I speak to that helps me forget you ..I just find myself falling apart again because I talk to you for one day ..I ignore you all week, I try so hard to get over you, forget everything about you but its fucking hard and all the talks I do with people telling me your no good for me, I can do better, I deserve so much more ..pull the plug, stop everything, he’s the biggest ass hole and finally coming to a fucking conclusion in my head ..I just lose it, I lose it for talking to you once, for bringing back memories in my head, for picturing you in my mind and having the chance to sleep with you for a night, fuck every time I hear your name, see your name, someone mentions you, wants to talk about how I feel ..I can’t, everything comes back and what I thought I lost for you ..forgotten, all comes back and at this point I know that even just the once ..just the once can fuck everything up, make everything else seem pointless and everything that’s supposed to work just comes crashing down because of a few words ..a hi, only a few words can make everything feel the same again and fuck it, I’m miserable talking to you, I’m miserable thinking about you, I’m miserable thinking about you after we said a few words, everything about you now makes me miserable and I hate it, I hate how sad you make me feel because I still love you but you make me so fucking miserable and just talking to you, saying hi makes me feel worthless even more and all you do now is ..take everything I build up and it has to have an end, we need to have ..an end
Two months into our relationship you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “From here”. You didn’t get it and you got mad and thought I was playing around.
Breaking up after almost two years together, I sent you a message 6 months later saying “To Here”.
You still didn’t get it.
this hit me hard